


Defenders of Anarchy

by moonflowers



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Eggsy can see right through your shit Harry, Harry has a silver spoon firmly up his arse, Humor, M/M, St Trinian's AU, Student Eggsy, This is verging on crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 01:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9049357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonflowers/pseuds/moonflowers
Summary: Harry Hart, Minister of Education, is not one to admit defeat. But he comes pretty damn close when faced with St Trinian's - with an old flame in the form of it's headmistress, the rather unorthodox curriculum, and the delightfully infuriating head boy, one Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin.





	

**Author's Note:**

> St Trinian's AU lets go mate. The film might not be for everybody but good grief watch it for the Firth action alone if you haven't already, it's a laugh. Rupert Everett is a marvel. I've taken liberties and made it a mixed school.
> 
> NOTE: Eggsy is in his last year, so is eighteen. Not underage, but still a student and therefore a bit of a problem area, so you may want to skip this if it makes you uncomfortable. Also the briefest mention of Harry being Eggsy's daddy, like blink and you'll miss it, and it's more of a joke than anything. This is not a serious fic full stop, let's be honest.

**Meeting #1**

In all his years as Minister of Education, Harry Hart had never beheld such an affront to the system as St Trinian's. One would think that, with such a solid foundation in old money and illustrious names tied to it's history, the school would have at least some redeeming qualities hidden away somewhere, but no. The place was a den of iniquity, an utter disgrace unworthy to bear the title of a place of learning, and Harry would shut it down if it was the last thing he did. He was a proud man after all, with a reputation for getting things done, and damned if he was going to lose that over the disaster of a school. He'd spent the past hour covertly stalking the halls of the disgusting institution, and was planning his first move to take it down when he rounded the corner and almost collided with one of it's students.

"Hello sweetheart," said a voice most definitely from south of the river, miles away from the clipped consonants Harry was accustomed to, "you lost?"

"No, thank you," said Harry irritably, when he'd recovered himself enough to look properly at the student he'd narrowly avoided a collision with. He immediately wished that he hadn't. The young man was all bravado and big smile, hockey stick over his shoulder and loudly chewing and popping gum as he let his eyes roam obviously over Harry's now somewhat rumpled suit. 

"You's that bloke here to straighten us out, ain't you?" the boy said, still smirking, lips shiny and pink from the gum, and not the least bit intimidated by Harry's sharp suit and sharp glare. "Rumour has it you used to bump uglies with our Miss Fritton. Is it true?" 

"Harry Hart. Minister of Education," he said, unable to stop himself puffing up a little as he did so, and deliberately ignoring the second question. "And who might you be?"

"Eggsy Unwin," the young man said, swinging his hockey stick over to his other hand so he could offer Harry his right. "Head Boy."

"Is that so?" Harry said as he reached out to shake hands, a gesture so automatic he did it without thinking, eyes drifting to Eggsy's chest to note that yes, there was a small silver badge pinned there as proof.

Now, Harry was quite frankly affronted by the all abhorrent modifications to the students' uniforms he'd spotted during his reconnaissance. But Eggsy's was somehow more scandalous than the rest - even alongside the girls with barely there skirts and suspenders for goodness sake, seriously how had they not been shut down for that alone - perhaps due to the blasphemous pairing of his painted-on school trousers and surprisingly smart waistcoat with a sports cap and jacket and trainers with ruddy wings on, of all things. Honestly, Camilla's laxness with the uniform code was the proverbial cherry on top of the steaming shit of a school. 

"Pleasure to meet you guv," Eggsy said as he let go of Harry's hand, grin even wider having noticed Harry's study of him.

"I only wish I could say the same. And I'm not here to 'straighten you out,' as you put it," Harry said with vindictive glee. "I'm here to shut this hell hole down."

Eggsy snorted. "Nah you ain't."

"I beg your pardon?" It had been years since anyone dared speak to him like that. It was... rather refreshing, actually.

"You heard," said Eggsy as he turned to saunter off back down the corridor, hockey stick once again slung over his shoulder, "'til next time, sweetheart."

~

 

**Meeting #2**

Attending a hockey match between St Trinian's and their rival school had seemed like the perfect excuse to dig up more dirt while the pupils and teachers alike were distracted by the game. Twenty minutes in however, and Harry was regretting his decision.   
Firstly he feared for the safety of everyone present - he'd never witnessed such aggression from schoolchildren before, it was only a matter of time before someone was horribly injured, on the pitch or off it. The second reason was the company. Camilla's randy little terrier Mr Darcy wouldn't leave him alone, insistently sniffing at his shoes and climbing all over his shins with less than innocent intent. He so wanted to hate the headmistress' little rat, but it reminded him so very much his own little dog Mr Pickle that he couldn't quite bring himself to.

"I think he likes you," St Trinian's head of science, Merlin, smirked from where he was standing next to Harry to watch the game.

"You don't say," said Harry grimly as he shook the determined dog off his leg again. "I still don't understand why you settled down to teach here of all places, Merlin." The two of them had gone to school together themselves, and though they'd drifted apart over the years, he'd expected better of the man. 

Merlin shrugged, applauding loudly with the rest as St Trinian's scored again, winning them the match. "It's different. They're misfits. Once upon a time, the Harry I knew would have appreciated that."

Harry was saved from having to reply to that troubling statement by Eggsy jogging up to him and nudging him in the side. "Alright Haz," he said, breathless and grinning, flushed from the thrill of the game and swinging his ever-present hockey stick, "just keep bumping into each other don't we."

"Regrettably," said Harry staunchly, though he couldn't stop himself smiling back.

~

 

**Meeting #3**

Harry felt as though he was spending more time skulking about St Trinian's than in his own office these days. It was unfortunate but necessary, considering how difficult it was proving to be to get some solid proof of the school's corruption. But he refused to be beaten, which was why he was spending his afternoon snooping into various classrooms in the hopes of finding something incriminating, so that their dastardly ways would be irrefutable. He was just eyeing up some rather morally questionable artwork decorating the walls of the hallway when he heard the clip of heels marching quickly towards him. Unwilling to be caught in the act of sleuthing, he ducked quickly into the nearest doorway. 

It appeared to be a dressing room of sorts, draped in curtains and cushions scattered about, full length mirrors on the walls and an abundance of lights, clothes hung over chairs and piled on the floor. Unfortunately though, it seemed as though this room was also the destination of whoever had almost happened upon him in the hallway. In an uncharacteristic moment of panic at the approaching footsteps, Harry did the only thing he could think of, and darted behind the decorative screen along the back wall to hide, peering cautiously through a gap in the panels. 

"Swear down Rox, they was some of the tartiest pants I've ever seen," came a voice that Harry recognised instantly as two people entered the room. Bugger. Of all the people it could have been...

"So let me guess, you bought them," came the long-suffering sigh of the girl with him, the one whose heels had alerted him of their approach, "honestly Eggsy, you're dreadful sometimes."

"Aw Rox, you love me," Eggsy bumped shoulders with the girl as the door swung shut behind them, and Harry noted the matching silver badge pinned to her uniform, slightly closer to the actual uniform guidelines than most, he was pleased to note. Roxanne Morton, the Head Girl.

"For my sins," she grinned and nudged him back, "now hurry up and get changed, we haven't got long." She started to undo the buttons of her shirt, and Harry realised he'd had the terribly bad luck of somehow getting himself locked in the head boy/girl dressing room as it's occupants were about to undress. This was not going to look good.

He kept his gaze fixed determinedly on the floor, ignoring the heat in his face as Eggsy and Roxanne continued to change, the sound of zips being undone and clothes hitting the floor as the two of them chatted and good-naturedly bickered with each other. It was highly unlucky that Harry's phone chose that moment to start ringing, loudly and inescapably. _Bollocks._

There was a moment of surprised silence on the other side of the screen before it was hastily shoved aside to reveal Eggsy, still mostly undressed and not looking anywhere near as distressed upon discovering Harry lurking about uninvited in his and Roxanne's private dressing room as he should have. 

"Oh. Hey Harry," he smiled, wide and bright, as though they'd run into each other on the street rather than this mortifying situation that made Harry look rather perverted. 

"Um, hello," he said weakly, determined to keep his eyes on Eggsy's face.

"Was hoping you'd turn up again soon," he bit his lip, looking coyly down at Harry through his eyelashes.

"Good Lord, Eggsy," Roxanne, thankfully fully clothed, barely batted an eyelid at Harry's rather dubious presence as she smoothed her hair down in the mirror, "you are utterly shameless. Please put something on and get back down to the hall as quick as you can." She pointedly raised an eyebrow at him before she stalked off out of the room.

"So, what you up to this time?" Eggsy spun away, thankfully to grab a shirt from the back of a chair. Perhaps if he covered up a bit, Harry might be able to speak in full sentences again. "Still on the lookout for a reason to shut us down?" he said genially, meeting Harry's eyes in the mirror with a knowing smirk.

"I will be shutting this filthy school down, Eggsy," said Harry firmly, now his brain appeared to have come back online.

"No, you won't."

~

 

**Meeting #4**

The next time it happened, it really was a coincidence. Harry happened to enjoy visiting the portrait gallery when he needed to unwind and could spare the time, and it was pure luck that St Trinian's appeared to be there on a school trip that afternoon as well. Whether said luck was good or bad, he was undecided. Once the screaming had subsided as the pupils split up and wandered about the gallery at their leisure, it was actually rather nice to have a proper talk with Eggsy, who had firmly installed himself at Harry's side the moment he'd spotted him.

"I just don't get it bruv," Eggsy shook his head in despair, "I mean, she's a top bird, anyone would tell you that, but the two of you...?"

"It's just how Camilla and I are, dear boy," Harry said when faced with Eggsy's scandalised disgust over his habitual flirting with the St Trinian's headmistress, "it's been twenty years, I'm not entirely convinced we could stop if we wanted to."

Eggsy's nose scrunched up in distaste. "Me and Rox say shit like that to each other all the time and it don't mean nothing, but with you two... You didn't actually - you know?"

"Yes, as it happens," said Harry, seemingly unable to stop talking now he'd started, "though it was a long time ago, in university. And before I'd quite figured out that I - " he cut himself off before he continued to blurt out things about himself that it wasn't quite necessary for the entire gallery to hear. 

"Before you what?"

"Figured out that I preferred men," Harry said simply, determined not to place any more significance on the statement than was necessary.

"Oh."

"Have you time for a cup of tea before you have to get back?" Harry said before he could think better of it. He found himself unwilling to part ways just yet.

"Yeah," Eggsy said, blinking in surprise as a pleased smile fluttered about his mouth, "yeah, I'd like that." 

~

 

**Meeting #5**

If asked, Harry could easily claim that he was present at the television quiz show that pitted schools against each other for some reason related to work - an interest in which school fared the best would be a perfectly valid reason for the Minister of Education to be present. But honestly, it was more likely because of the young man front and centre for the St Trinian's quiz team, currently being introduced to the audience by the host than for anything more above board.

"So Eggsy, have you got anyone special watching tonight?"

"Yes," Eggsy smiled angelically at the host, before glancing out into the audience, directly at Harry, "my daddy."

"Ah yes, a little support from the family can make all the difference," the oblivious host nodded obligingly and turned to the next contestant.

Harry sat rigid in his seat, jaw locked and staring at the ridiculous boy. He only came back to himself when he heard Camilla give a little snort of laughter from where she sat next to him. "Good grief, Harry," she patted his knee. "You haven't changed so very much after all."

~

 

**+1**

He really had intended to shut the ruddy school down once and for all that day. But things didn't go to plan, as they never seemed to, since he'd begun his onslaught against St Trinian's. Long story short, instead of closing the place once and for all in a blaze of bureaucratical glory, he'd somehow ended up falling in the decorative fountain.

After a brief moment of wondering whether it was even worth the effort to drag himself out of the water at all or whether he should just hide in there forever and save himself the embarrassment of admitting defeat, Harry eventually climbed out of the fountain. He was completely sodden, his shirt clinging wetly to his chest, and his hair no doubt in an awful state. Sod it all. He was going home for a bath and an attempt to see if one could purchase such a thing as an amnesia dart online. But he hadn't taken a step before Eggsy strolled around the corner, looking very much like he wanted to laugh his arse off but was just about managing to keep it in check.

"Wow, they got you good," he leant against the side of the building, eyeing Harry's soaking wet clothes with amusement. "Don't mess with the first years mate, everyone knows that."

"Mm," Harry pushed his sodden hair out of his face. "I admit I might have miscalculated on that front."

"Yeah," Eggsy agreed before promptly stepping into Harry's space, crowding him against the fountain and pulling him down into a gentle but determined kiss. One of Eggsy's hands was balled in Harry's wet shirt, the other tentatively on the side of his neck, glasses pressing hard into the bridge of his nose. He tasted like that sodding chewing gum. Harry did nothing for a moment, stunned into inaction, before it hit him that kissing Eggsy back would make an awful lot more sense than most of the other decisions he'd made of late. So he did. 

"Mm, wanted to do that for ages bruv," Eggsy said, breath hot and sweet on Harry's chilled and damp skin.

"I'll shut you all down one day," Harry murmured against his lips. "You'll see."

"Nah, I don't think so," he felt Eggsy's smile against his skin.

"We'll have to agree to disagree on that, darling."


End file.
